Thursday, December 15, 2016

335. Honesty

This year has been about finding out the difference between good fear and bad fear. It’s been finding out about the difference between things that truly annoy you and those that can just bite your lip and bear. That’s such a pivotal part of growing up. I never realized that. There are the things you know you should do and what you are just putting off.

The other day at work we had some visitors, a group coming through just to say hi. They weren’t going to be too disruptive, but I thought to myself, ugh I don’t want any distractions. I’m working against some deadlines here. I just want to do my work and not be disturbed. The group came through at about 1 p.m. They were a little noisy, but it wasn’t anything too bad. They stopped by everyone’s cubicle and say a quick hi. It was maybe less than five minutes out of my day where my productivity was slightly compromised. All in all, it wasn’t that bad of a thing. It happened and I soon got over it.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked if I wanted to go volunteer for a morning at a young alum event. Most of the time I would say yes, but I knew I needed that time on Saturday morning just to watch soccer. It wasn’t because I NEEDED to follow my team or anything, I just needed that space to destress and take in something that I enjoyed. You don’t have to say yes to everything. A lot of it is just finding what you need and taking that in. It’s ok to not do everything that you’ve wanted to do. It’s a tough road trying to figure out between the two, but I’ve managed.

I think one of the biggest misconceptions that our culture projects is that people know far less than they act like they do. Becoming an adult isn’t like a lightswitch. It’s a slow boil that builds over time. I don’t think one day I started to know everything. There are days when you start to trust yourself a little bit more. Those are underrated days. I’ve started to trust and put out some more things that I want.

It’s ok to suggest what you want to do. I’m trying to rid myself of being an indecisive waffler. I try to give my honest opinions on things, as opposed to just deflecting and saying, “I don’t care.” That annoys me too. You’re allowed to have opinions on things. Especially if someone asks you about them. Our society has become so uptight with offering opinions (at least in the midwest) that we fear angering, annoying, or even mildly inconveniencing someone. I definitely try and be respectful of those things, but I think they can be taken too far. I know some people really just want to help you. And they can’t help you unless you ask for what you need. And that requires that you have to listen to yourself.

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