Fear seems to be hitting an all-time high these days. There is fear of terrorism, global warming, immigrants, the super rich. It feels like it’s coming to a head with this presidential election and the Brexit vote. I don’t like it.
Fear is a money-making scheme. I buy things when I’m in fear of something. I eat a lot more. I don’t leave my house. I just sit, wait, and wallow in my anxiety. It’s not a good place to be in. I’m trying to think of the last big thing I bought when I was happy. I feel like people don’t vote or don’t care when they are happy. Fear is a good way to keep people motivated.
I was pretty anxious the entire day today. All day yesterday I just felt discombobulated due to big news, as well as work stuff. That carried over to today. As the workday ended, I decided I needed a change of pace. I walked home. I immediately turned on the air conditioning and took a nap. I worked out my budget and figured out spending plan for the next few weeks. I went for a run. I made a grocery list and went to Trader Joe’s. (And I stayed within three dollars of my budget!) I came home, popped open a bottle of wine and made one of my favorite meals, pasta with procisutto and leeks. And now I’m here, sitting on a couch, typing away.
I feel much better than I did earlier. My house feels a little bit more in order and I don’t feel like my world is going to fall down due to Brexit or Ricky Rubio potentially being traded. I am here and I am fine.
As I was cooking I listened to a podcast of Fresh Air. Terry Gross (the host) interviewed Tony Hale, of “Arrested Development” and “Veep” fame. Hale’s most famous characters are usually anxious pushovers. It was nice to see a different side in the interview. I learned that Hale is a practicing Christian. This bit stuck out to me.
I think prayerful meditation, being still in a space, being still with God, I don't do that enough. It's crazy, because when I do do it, I always walk away from it going, Why the hell am I not doing that more? Because it's so centering and it broadens the picture of life, really. I mean, you just kind of go, We're spinning on a planet, here. And I'm giving a lot of anxiety and a lot of weight to stuff that just doesn't matter, and it's so focusing.
I like that. It’s good to just step away for a while. I was in a semi-argument on Twitter with someone I knew about Brexit stuff. He’s a guy who likes to heavy discuss things, usually when I tweet something political (which is less and less these days.) I don’t enjoy discussing politics over Twitter. Things are too often taken too far. He wasn’t being mean, but I decided just to disengage. It wasn’t worth it to fill my day thinking about crafting a tweet. I wanted to do something that made me happy.
Life is crap and suboptimal so many times, but we give weight to things that just don’t matter. Stop doing that.