Friday, June 24, 2016

170. The Price of Fear

Fear seems to be hitting an all-time high these days. There is fear of terrorism, global warming, immigrants, the super rich. It feels like it’s coming to a head with this presidential election and the Brexit vote. I don’t like it.

Fear is a money-making scheme. I buy things when I’m in fear of something. I eat a lot more. I don’t leave my house. I just sit, wait, and wallow in my anxiety. It’s not a good place to be in. I’m trying to think of the last big thing I bought when I was happy. I feel like people don’t vote or don’t care when they are happy. Fear is a good way to keep people motivated.

I was pretty anxious the entire day today. All day yesterday I just felt discombobulated due to big news, as well as work stuff. That carried over to today. As the workday ended, I decided I needed a change of pace. I walked home. I immediately turned on the air conditioning and took a nap. I worked out my budget and figured out spending plan for the next few weeks. I went for a run. I made a grocery list and went to Trader Joe’s. (And I stayed within three dollars of my budget!) I came home, popped open a bottle of wine and made one of my favorite meals, pasta with procisutto and leeks. And now I’m here, sitting on a couch, typing away.

I feel much better than I did earlier. My house feels a little bit more in order and I don’t feel like my world is going to fall down due to Brexit or Ricky Rubio potentially being traded. I am here and I am fine.

As I was cooking I listened to a podcast of Fresh Air. Terry Gross (the host) interviewed Tony Hale, of “Arrested Development” and “Veep” fame. Hale’s most famous characters are usually anxious pushovers. It was nice to see a different side in the interview. I learned that Hale is a practicing Christian. This bit stuck out to me.

I think prayerful meditation, being still in a space, being still with God, I don't do that enough. It's crazy, because when I do do it, I always walk away from it going, Why the hell am I not doing that more? Because it's so centering and it broadens the picture of life, really. I mean, you just kind of go, We're spinning on a planet, here. And I'm giving a lot of anxiety and a lot of weight to stuff that just doesn't matter, and it's so focusing.

I like that. It’s good to just step away for a while. I was in a semi-argument on Twitter with someone I knew about Brexit stuff. He’s a guy who likes to heavy discuss things, usually when I tweet something political (which is less and less these days.) I don’t enjoy discussing politics over Twitter. Things are too often taken too far. He wasn’t being mean, but I decided just to disengage. It wasn’t worth it to fill my day thinking about crafting a tweet. I wanted to do something that made me happy.

Life is crap and suboptimal so many times, but we give weight to things that just don’t matter. Stop doing that.

No comments:

Post a Comment