Sunday, October 23, 2016

287. Stepping Out

I am not perfect. The thing I can’t stand about everything is how people want a perfectly crafted story. Things just always seem to click. The thing they never tell you is that it’s hard for things to click. I thought about that while I watched the Hamilton documentary on PBS. They talked about how there were some blatant contradictions among these men. They wrote about freedom, yet they owned slaves. They wanted a free country, but didn’t leave in room for the rights of people of color and women. They are viewed with the highest ideals of our country, yet many of them were serial philanderers.

The people they interviewed for the doc—many of them people of color—talked about how they couldn’t reconcile the fact that many of the main protagonists in Hamilton owned slaves and that they probably did many nasty things to them. Yet, they continued to tell the story. You need to accept all parts of the person for a more honest story. I like that.

We have such a tendency for hero worship and lionization that we often forget that we’re talking about people. People are imperfect. People are awful. People are amazing. It’s sometimes hard for our brain to take in all of those things. And the thing is, we’re rarely humble about not knowing or understanding that. I think that’s what’s bothered me most about this election. There is absolutely no pretense of humility among candidates (surely one more than the other, but still) or supporters of candidates. We think we know everything. We think we know what’s best. We don’t always. Some days all we can do is just sit on the sidewalk and watch the parade go by. And that should be OK.

I’m kind of rambling here, but I think these last few months have made me realize that it’s so important just to hold on to you. Hold on to what makes you sad, what makes you happy, what makes you angry, your escape. It’s no good to let things outside your control dictate those parts of your life.

There’s some overlap between the dating and political news: they can both make you upset. It’s good to be honest about those things. There have been so many things about Trump that have made me upset that it’s no use anymore. I did my part and voted. The only thing I can do is just focus on those things that make me happy. And with dating, I don’t need to be happy with every decision. I don’t need to force myself to be happy or upset about something. I don’t immediately need to bob up back to the surface and getting thrown overboard from a relationship. Somedays you just have to stay down there for a little bit. Things will move along anyway.

I don’t know what inspired me to start listening to myself a little bit more. I guess that’s been a good part of the year 2016. I feel more confident about who I am and what I can do with my life. It’ll all work out, no matter.

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