Tuesday, March 29, 2016

86. Things that make you happy

o continue my thoughts from yesterday. I wondered about this question (mainly wondering how to correctly grammatically phrase it), are you who you thought you’d be  twenty years ago? Are you the person you’ve wanted to become? My messed up tenses aside, I think I’m doing all right.

On a few past birthdays I’ve tried to write down where I’d see myself in 5, 10, 15 years. I don’t recall this specifics, but I think I don’t think I’m doing exactly what I wanted to. I thought I’d be working in D.C. for some environmental lobbying firm, but that didn’t happen.

I guess there is a difference between who you are and who you thought you would become. Am I happy with who I am? Yes, yes I am. Am I doing everything that I ever wanted to and all of my dreams are fulfilled? No, not by a long shot.

Right now, I’m sitting here in a sparsely furnished apartment that has one couch, two chairs, a donated table, and no spoons. (I’ve been using forks to eat my yogurt.) My table is half covered with the New York Times from this past Sunday. One pile of papers is topped with a radio that is tuned to 91.1, Minnesota’s MPR station.

As a bachelor, I am pretty ok with this. No, it’s not how I want to live my life for the rest of my time here, but I’m ok with it. I don’t need much to be happy. I like that about myself. I like to think about the time I lived in Boston when i was between roommates. I really didn’t have anything in the way of furnishing. I bought some dishes and kitchen utensils at Goodwill. I had a folding vinyl card table that I got from a coworker (that I carried from Cambridge to Allston on the T). I also had three different folding chairs that I also bought at goodwill, and a radio (actually, the same radio I have now.) It’s actually not that different than it is now.

Maybe I’d always thought I’d be a person who’d be happier with more stuff. That’s not really the case. I get anxious when I try to purchase a book at the bookstore because I worry that I’m spending too much money or that I won’t read it. Half of the time I’d rather get a book from the library anyway. I don’t quite buy cd’s anymore. (Who does, really?) Clothes shopping is another one of those times when I worry that I’m spending too much. I question whether I should get cheaper or more expensive tickets at a sporting event. I question whether I’m getting a good deal or not. (On a side note, the Timberwolves dumb new ticket policy is why I haven’t gone to go see more games this season. But that’s a rant for another post.)

I guess I like that it takes very little to make me happy. I’m happy with some friends, some drinks, and maybe a few books around the house

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